Last night, I was chatting with a friend of mine about friendship. In particular, female friendship at the stage of life we are in (post-college), and I had a moment of revelation about something. I said to her, "I have such clear ideas and thoughts on most things in my life--not that I have everything figured out, but I have clear thoughts on my marriage, my faith, my role as a daughter and a sister, my hopes for the future. But I don't have clear thoughts on friendship."
For me, female friendships have always been the most complicated relationships in my life. They are confusing. They require a give and take but so often it's imbalanced. They can get very emotional, despite efforts to avoid drama. It's hard to know when to speak up and when to accept. What values need to line up and which ones don't. Who will let you down and who won't.
I hadn't planned to write a post about this today, so I will make this one brief, but I'd like to come back to this subject once I've thought more about it. It's difficult to write about a topic that I just admitted I don't have clear thoughts on, but I think it will be interesting to try.
What do you think? Are you confused by female friendship?
You have such a fresh blog!
ReplyDeleteYes, female friendships are very confusing! Sometimes I wont speak to a friend for months and she will call me up and just randomly apologize. The next day, I am a bridesmaid in her wedding! Crazy, crazy! :)
shannahrenee.blogspot.com
i love that picture associated with the post. anyway, this post is so good. i have been struggling with trying to figure out who i am and i really think that through friendships, they have lead me there. but with friendships go changes and the changes are the hard parts, things aren't quite the same, you dont know how to act around one another, it makes it so confusing. all so crazy!
ReplyDeleteKate, I couldn't agree more! I was just having a similar conversation this weekend. Sometimes I just don't understand women. A new discovery for me is that with a baby it can become even more "interesting" with the array of parenting choices.
ReplyDeleteSometimes we become friends with people we would least expect to. That being said, I've been thinking about how important the idea of "respect" is. -Respect as to how women speak of their husbands, treat their children and themselves, God, their friends.
Kate, this is so true. After college we go through so many different season, and we make deep friends, then move on, and we wonder what the expectations for each friendship are. I've held certain friends to certain expectations and then that just gets messy if it's not reciprocated. I'm learning to extend grace and loosen those expectations more. But yes, I agree, it does get confusing. I look forward to more of your thoughts!
ReplyDeleteThanks Shannah, for stopping by and for your input!
ReplyDeleteI love that image too, isn't it great?
ReplyDeleteSometimes I don't understand women, either. We are quite complex!
ReplyDeleteI love what you said Katie, that you're learning to extend grace. I'm learning that too.
ReplyDelete"Extending grace"...such a lovely and generous idea!
ReplyDeleteOh yes, you know my thoughts on this subject. Way more complicated than it needs to be. And so, so difficult to find! I'll look forward to hearing your discussions on the matter in future!
ReplyDeleteYes, this will be a way for me to think through some of my confusing ideas on friendship. I think it's a topic not often discussed among women so I'm excited to try.
ReplyDeleteI've never been interested in complicated female relationships that have too much drama, and the women I've been closest to have felt the same way. Men are so much easier (I like to tell my hubby that they are "simple creatures with simple needs"--and I'm only half-joking). Having all sons made for a fairly uncomplicated life for me as a mother.
ReplyDeleteThat being said, having female friends to share things with is essential. (And sisters, sisters-in-law, and daughters-in-law make great friends!)
I'm with you, complicated friendships are not of interest to me at all. I think that really great friendships are difficult to find, and I agree that family members make good friends :) I don't have sisters, but I have sisters-in-law!
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