Wandering Into The Men's Section

This post is about wandering into the men's section. No, not to buy your husband or brother or dad a Christmas gift. This particular wander is a bit more risqué than that. 

The first time I did it was at Target and it wasn't planned. A perfect-shade-of-blue and white pinstriped collared shirt caught my eye and I found myself ducking through the stands of polo shirts to get to it, trying not to be seen. I grabbed a size small and admired it. I mean, they just don't make women's collared shirts like that! The fabric was heavy, it was surprisingly well-tailored, and the length was sort of a tunic top length, hitting right around my hips. And it was masculine without being overtly manly. Which, in my opinion, is the whole point of a woman wearing a collared shirt, anyway. No thank you, darts and pearly buttons. Collared shirts are meant to be adorably tomboyish.

So I bought it. For myself! From the men's section! I wear it constantly.

The next time I did it I felt like an old pro. I shamelessly sauntered right across the line from the women's department to the men's, no ducking necessary. And this time, I even brought my mom with me.

We were at the Gap and my mom was on the hunt for a comfy flannel shirt for winter. She'd recently spotted a woman on the street wearing boots, leggings, a flannel shirt, and a fur vest (all of which my mom has in her wardrobe, except the flannel) and was inspired to recreate the look. So I said, "Ok Mom, I know just what you need, but you have to trust me." 

(Shameless sauntering.)

"So Mom, these are men's shirts. But! I grabbed the smallest sizes, and look at how cute the cut is! Loose and boxy but not at all shapeless. And they're nice and long, perfect for leggings."

She loved them! We both did, actually. They were on sale and my mom insisted on buying one for me too. 

I consider myself a very feminine person. I love feeling pretty, I love skirts and tights and dresses and jewelry, I love lipstick and getting dolled up. But when it comes to fashion I'm a firm believer in contrast. Black paired with white, flowy on top and fitted on the bottom, edgy mixed with sweet, and above all, a hint of the masculine to offset the feminine. 

(Tip: the first step is to try on your husband's clothes. I wear this sweater of his more than he does.)

A Favorite Pairing: Masculine Against Feminine

I love stealing my husband's clothes. He has this grey cashmere v-neck sweater that I wear with the sleeves rolled up and it still looks enormous on me but in a deliberate, effortless sort of way. I pull it on over my head when I'm in need of some serious coziness and comfort.

Ironically, I think there's something so feminine about wearing men's clothing or clothing inspired by menswear. I'm really not a tomboy at all (although I do know how to handle myself at the shooting range) and of course, wearing clothes meant for the guys requires careful balance. Skinny jeans under the slouchy sweater, gold studs in your ears, some delicate shoes. Something feminine to offset the masculine and provide that delicious and confident contrast. (Because getting mistaken for a boy is not the goal here!)

I would compare this to my love for old against new. Contrast is everything when it comes to style. Aged wooden furniture paired with the most dainty, white porcelain china. Boxy, masculine oxfords with a flouncy dress. Bright white walls and a worn, cognac leather chair. A loose white tee tucked into fitted black pants. It's the layering, the mixing, the balancing act--you could even say the contradiction--that makes these pairings so chic.

Do you or would you wear men's clothing? Do you agree that menswear can be (counterintuitively) quite feminine? I'd love to hear!

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Body Image

This is a post I've been mulling over for awhile, trying to find the right words. I'd love to hear your thoughts in the comments.

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Girls, and women, are notoriously concerned about how they look. Aren't we?

Of course, I'm guilty of this. I complain about breakouts and bad hair days and ask my husband to weigh in on my outfits to make sure they flatter my figure. I get self-conscious, I feel embarrassed about blemishes, I worry about how other people will perceive me. A lot of that is just being a normal human (or at least a normal woman) and can't really be helped too much. It's fairly innocuous and I don't think it's damaging to complain to a girlfriend about frizzy summer hair. (Although it's good to be self-aware and not get too vain about it.)

When this behavior becomes dangerous, however, is when we really start putting ourselves down, when we really start criticizing our own bodies. This has always bothered me and worried me. It upsets me to hear my friends complain about how they look if it's not something temporarily "abnormal," like a skin thing. When they complain about their legs or their stomach or their nose--it's sad and I always try to discourage it and tell them they're lovely as they are.

In this way (in endless ways, really) I'm so grateful for my mom. We learn so much about femininity and womanhood by watching our mothers, whether we are consciously doing it or absorbing it subliminally. I've seen a few things online recently that have made me think--"Wait! Stop! You're a grown woman, you're a mother. You can't be criticizing your body like that! If you're doing it, your daughters will." I feel so blessed because my mother was the absolute best example for me. She rarely wore makeup and had a very simple beauty routine, and she always looked (and looks) natural and feminine and pretty. She only just recently starting getting a bit of color in her hair and growing up, I never heard her put herself down and she never seemed to lack confidence about her appearance. She was and is happy in her skin, in her body, with what God blessed her with.

Most girls are predisposed to be critical toward the way they look. We need our mothers to be strong examples of what it means to be confident and accepting of our bodies. When we have children we need to be mothers who are that strong example.

Of course, I'm not suggesting we throw our cares to the wind and stop thinking about appearance altogether. I love feeling put together and I like my mascara and a touch of caramel in my hair every few months. The thing to remember, I think, is that these are only enhancements of our already-existing beauty. You don't "need" highlights because your natural hair color is "mousy"--if I had a nickel for each time I've heard that I would have a lot of nickels! Let's rebel against that. It's perfectly ok to get highlights, but they're just that. Highlights, refreshers, pick-me-ups. They don't make you beautiful.

(It goes without saying, I think, that staying fit is certainly important, but mostly because it's the healthy way to live and it will make you feel good and strong, not because it will make you look a certain way.)

You have only one body to take you through this life. You got it from your mom and your dad and it's brought you this far, hasn't it? Treat it well and appreciate it. It sustains you and can perform miracles and it's beautiful, believe me.

One-Piece Inspiration

Last year I blogged about one-piece bathing suits and my thoughts on their beauty and elegance and femininity. As we approach swimsuit season 2014 I thought it would be fun to gather up some of my favorite one-piece looks, for a bit of inspiration. Each of these proves that one-pieces can be so flattering and lovely--if you're not yet convinced by them, maybe by the end of this post you will be!

The loose top and cinched-waist on this first one makes for a really flattering and perfectly casual silhouette. I bet it's very comfortable too. My one concern would be about the top staying up, so you'd have to try this on to make sure.

Striped cinched-waist suit

This one is so glamorous and anything but frumpy. The lines and the gathering details and the touch of mesh make it special. And how about the back?! Stunning.

Navy blue one-piece

This one is very expensive, but I liked it too much not to include it, at least for inspiration. The peplum feature is definitely girly but the rest of the suit is simple and the v-neck provides a nice edgy contrast. I love this suit. Paired with a broad sun hat, you'd feel like Audrey Hepburn.

Peplum suit

This one is sold out, but this is mostly an inspiration post anyway, so I'm including it. Doesn't this suit look like a watercolor painting? I'm going to keep on the lookout for a similar one. 

Floral one-piece

This is not a one-piece but it's pretty close. These high-waisted swimsuit bottoms are so elegant and when paired with a slightly-longer-than-normal top, you've got a modified one-piece sort of look! Perfectly retro yet timeless and classy. 

High-waisted bottoms / Top

What do you think? Will you be adding a new (or maybe your first) one-piece to your collection this year?

The Power Of Red Lips

Do you have a favorite beauty pick-me-up? Something you do or wear on days when you're feeling a little blah? For me, it's red lipstick! It doesn't matter if I'm just at home and not wearing a stitch of makeup otherwise. I'll go into the bathroom, swipe on one of my favorite reds, and I'll magically feel lifted and fresh and a little glamorous. 

One day earlier this week I was wearing super minimal makeup--just tinted moisturizer, mascara, and a little under eye concealer. My hair had air-dried that morning and I threw it up in a clip while putting groceries in my car (Alabama in April = hotter than you'd expect). I wasn't even wearing my usual tiny diamond stud earrings. There's nothing wrong with days like this but I felt in need of just a little midday boost. I put on a layer of this lipstick and instantly felt put together and feminine.

(One trick for wearing a deep red lipstick during the day and still looking pretty natural: after applying I blot my lips with a tissue to create more of a stained look, and with my finger I sort of blur the edges a little so the lines aren't too defined or severe.)

What about you? Do you have any beauty pick-me-ups? Another one of mine is washing my hands with a special scrub. The scent lingers all day and my hands feel silky smooth! Amazing what a little pampering can do.

The Perfect Fall Accessory

I think it was in college that I first started to really love scarves. It was around then that they transitioned from being a purely functional piece of clothing that I wore while skiing into an accessory I couldn't be without as soon as the air turned chilly. There's something about wearing scarves in the cooler months that makes me feel feminine, pulled-together, chic, and of course cozy. I adore them.

I have quite a collection (my newest one is the navy and white scarf, a gift from my aunt, who works at an adorable shop in Newport that carries these) and it's always nice to learn fun new ways to tie them, to keep things fresh. So I was thrilled to discover this cute and quirky video called "25 Ways to Wear a Scarf." There are some really creative styles in here! My favorites are "The Celebrity," "The Waterfall,""The Key Tie," and "The Hidden Knot."

If you're like me and wear a fall uniform of boots, skinny jeans, and scarves, then you'll appreciate this video. Enjoy!

I Admire Him

My husband navigating us to a winery on our Napa honeymoon. Among many other things, I admire how this man knows his way around a map.

Today we've been married for exactly one year and eight months. I didn't actually plan this post to line up on the 30th, but it's nice that it did! In 20 months, my love for my husband has filled me and overwhelmed me and grown as sure and steady as the days go by. It's been wonderful and we've learned a lot and not all of it has been easy, but we continue to come out on the other side of the hard days with more love than we had before. 

But this isn't exactly what I want to write about today. I want to write about how in 20 months of marriage, there has grown in my heart a feeling about my husband that is wound up in my love but is also set apart and exists in me in its own right. That feeling is admiration.

Some of you might think that's rather an obvious thing to say. Of course you admire your own husband! You're proud of him, and want to show him off, and know he's just the best! But if you think about it, we rarely use this word to describe the people closest to us. We say we love them. We say we're proud of them. But we often save our admiration, or at least the word itself, for people we don't actually know. We tend to admire public personalities, people we consider to be role models, a person whose life we would like to emulate in some way.

And I think the reason for this is because admiration is tied up with awe. Mystery. Something intangible that makes us feel a certain person is special and worthy of our praise. I admire Kate Middleton because she is impossibly beautiful and feminine, immeasurably dignified and elegant (can you feel the admiration coming through the screen?). Of course I know she has flaws like the rest of us, but I don't know about them. Her flaws are a mystery and her attributes well-known, and I look up to her for her beauty and grace.

I think we often stop admiring, or forget to admire, the people closest to us because they are familiar. There's less and less mystery surrounding them as the years go on. We share everything with them and they with us, and we begin to know their minds perhaps even more intimately than our own. We are vulnerable with our husbands, just as they are vulnerable with us. The comfortableness of marriage, which is such a wonderful part of being husband and wife, might be the very thing that can make you forget your admiration.

I've been aware of this trap that is all too easy to fall into, and I'm thankful to be able to say that the admiration I have for my husband is alive and well. We, and my husband specifically, have been tested in extraordinary ways over the past year or so. I haven't shared much about why we're here in Alabama, how our plans have changed in dramatic ways, or the struggles we've faced, but I will say that it's been really difficult. We're at a point where we finally feel like we're coming out on the other end--and while aspects of our life-plan now look pretty different than they did a year ago, we couldn't be happier about how things are shaping up. Turns out that trusting in God's plan really is the best way to live.

In all of this--the stress and anxiety, the good news and bad, the acceptance and moving forward--I have admired my husband and the humility and grace with which he has handled things. Of course I feel love for him when he calms my fears and presents the positive way to look at things and just overall encourages and lifts me. But my heart brims with admiration, something a little different than love, when he sits across from me at dinner and calmly and excitedly talks about this new future we're making for ourselves, and how it will allow for the most important things in life to be at the forefront. I admire him in a way I can't describe when he tells me that he trusts that this is the path we are meant to be on. That God knows what he's doing. That even though he's had to give up one dream, there is another one swiftly filling its place, and I am in awe of his faith.

I think that losing a sense of admiration for our spouses, or even just forgetting to acknowledge that what we're feeling is admiration, is something we should adamantly try to avoid. Tell your husband you love him. Kiss him and say that you're so proud of all that he does. Hold his hands and tell him why there's no one in the world you admire more than him. 

Revealing Our Dignity

A good friend of mine recently sent me this video because she knew it would resonate with me, and she also thought it fit in with the sorts of things I like to write about on Something Ivory. She was so right.

A few weeks ago, I wrote about one-piece bathing suits--why I think they are feminine and beautiful and more flattering than two-pieces. In this video, Jessica Rey talks about the history behind the bikini,  the reaction it initially received, and most importantly, how it makes men think and feel and respond (based on a fascinating study that she references). The case she makes it that when we put on a bikini, we are inviting and attracting the wrong kind of attention, that we are eliciting a response that isn't healthy. And it's our responsibility as women to dress in ways that demand respect.

Her talk is not just about saying "no"--it's about reaching unabashedly for something that is beautiful and dignifying. It's about choosing to dress ourselves modestly on the beach, and treating ourselves with respect in the process. Rey actually designs her own swimsuits (which are retro and fun) because she believes so fervently that the way we're currently doing this isn't right.

Here's my favorite quote from her talk:

"Modesty isn't about covering up our bodies because they're bad, modesy isn't about hiding ourselves--it's about revealing our dignity. We were made beautiful, in His image and likeness."

If you have a few minutes, I encourage you to take a look.

Summer Style

I thought it would be fun today to round up some summer style ideas as we head into the first real month of summer. I love clothes and accessories and shoes but I'm not a huge shopper, mainly because I can't afford to be shopping all the time. When I do shop I look for sales, go to thrift shops and consignment shops, focus on what I need for a certain event or on filling holes in my wardrobe, and just generally try to be wise about my purchases. I don't really need any of these cute pieces, and don't really plan on buying any of them (though I can't promise anything) so consider this "virtual window shopping." I love each of these pieces and think they would be just perfect for the summer months ahead.

These minty flats are adorable, right? So subtle and soft and feminine, and I'm imagining them paired with a simple cotton black sundress for an understated, put-together look. I've always loved wearing neutrals and getting my pop of color from my shoes.

I saw this head wrap a few days ago on a blog and I fell in love with it! It's retro and the print is really fun, and it would protect your hair from the harmful rays of the sun when you're out on the beach.

This salmon-y, coral color is one of my favorites, and the lace detail on this pretty top makes it interesting and a tad dressy. Wouldn't it look chic with white skinny jeans and some wedges?

Ok, call me wild, but I love these aztec print pants. I saw a similar pair recently in a blogger's instagram photo and I think they're fabulous. I would pair them with a tank top, with my suit underneath, for a fun and comfortable beach look.

I linked to this bathing suit in a recent post and since then it's gone on sale! It's still very pricey for a bathing suit, but maybe the price will be chopped in half again in another few weeks? We can hope. It's just so pretty.

What summer pieces do you love? Would you go for any of these?

One-Piece Bathing Beauties

I stumbled upon a fantastic collection of vintage beach photos (called "Before the Bikini") and had so much fun looking through them. Aren't these women glamorous and gorgeous? I just love the look of so many of these vintage bathing suits, and they got me thinking.

You see, I'm over my bikini days. I still have most of my old bikinis, and I do wear them sometimes--like when I'm reading by the pool in my neighborhood. But for swimming, or going to the beach with family and friends, I've discovered the beauty of the one-piece. I don't know if I'll ever really go back. 

And it's not because I have anything to hide--at the risk of coming across the wrong way, I'm actually quite happy with my body (hey, if you don't love your body at 25, when will you love it?). I've simply found that one-pieces are so flattering, so feminine, and most importantly, they leave more to the imagination. They're mysterious and retro, and in this "bare it all" culture of ours, I think erring on the side of not baring all is a brave and beautiful choice.

And lest you think that modesty is not sexy--believe me, it is. First of all, look at all of these women from the 30s, 40s, and 50s. They're absolutely stunning! My husband has also told me that he prefers my one-piece suits to my two-piece suits. He thinks they're becoming and feminine. And there are so many interesting and flattering options these days for one-pieces (I think they're coming back into fashion--yes!). A few years ago, my mom and I found a beautiful black, ruched suit with ultra-thin straps. I still love it. A few days ago I added this inexpensive Target suit to my collection. And I'm pining after this lovely (total splurge) one-piece from Anthropologie.

(I know this isn't a one-piece, but it may as well be, right?)

I would love to hear what all of you think about this. Do you wear one-pieces? Would you? If you haven't worn anything but bikinis in years, I encourage you to at least try on a one-piece. You might be surprised at how beautiful you feel in it.


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