Day 16 of Blog Every Day in May: Something
difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome
it.
Photo taken in 2009 by my friend Jules for my then-boyfriend, now-husband.
Sometimes, the only thing that's within your control is your attitude. I'm trying to remember how powerful that is.
I've been incredibly blessed with the "lot" I've been given in life. I was born into a wonderful, loving, Christian family, I went to a great college and graduate school, I have an amazing husband who loves me more than I deserve. I could go on and on.
But over the last year I've been tested. When I married my husband I became an Army wife, just like that, and being an Army wife, an Army family, means that "our lives are not our own," as I like to say. That's the best way I know to explain it, especially to people who don't exactly understand why we're still living in Alabama, why we can't leave. Because our lives right now are not our own. And I don't mean this in a negative way (ok, sometimes I like to vent and complain that my life is not my own), but it really is an accurate portrayal of military life. The official papers my husband receives every few months from the Army that describe where he needs to be and how long he needs to be there are called his "orders," and orders they are. Many, many things are out of our control at the moment.
But I don't really consider this to be our "lot in life" because that implies that we had no say, that things just happened to us. It's true that we're in unusual circumstances and that things haven't gone according to our plans, or even the Army's plans. There have been some twists and turns, and sometimes I do still get upset about that one particular "lot" we were thrown, the one that injured my husband's back and changed his life. But even that is just part of living. Dwelling on our lack of control, dwelling on unfortunate accidents, dwelling on what we can't have is no way to live.
Sometimes, the only thing that's within your control is your attitude. I'm not always good at remembering this and putting it into practice--my husband, on the other hand, is a master at it. But I've found that when I consciously look for the good in each day, when I thank God for all that we have, when I delight in one small thing that our little town does have to offer, life is easier.
What a great outlook on that lifestyle. My sister is an Army wife as well. My brother in law did his 4 years and then joined CG reserves (while in Florida). They are currently in DC where he is finishing up his PhD but have orders to go to Texas next month. I think one thing that is good for them, is that they are the type of people who enjoy traveling and seeing the world and being in the Military provides that opportunity (good and bad).
ReplyDeleteI agree that what attitude you choose, will determine your "lot."
Well, this attitude definitely does NOT come easily to me, but it's really the only way to "survive" this crazy military lifestyle. Best of luck to your sister and her husband as they relocate to Texas. I bet it will be hard for them to be so far from family.
ReplyDeleteThey are in Arlington, VA now. All our family is on the Eastern Shore of MD and we were in Annapolis. I think they are used to it by now, but my parents are sad. My father and my oldest son, Graham are serious best friends. They talk on the phone everynight and before we moved my father stopped at our house 2-3x a week on his way home from work and also wanted to have the kids stay over with my folks for the weekend. He takes them fishing and crabbing and they just have really good time. The kids actually were up in MD all last week as my parents asked to have a long visit (they are having an extra long visit this summer too). Both my parents cry everytime we head back to VA. It's been tough on them and my sister going to TX is going to be hard too.
ReplyDeleteI remind them often, that these are not "problems." I know they want to see us and the kids as often as they can, but we all have our health, no one is involved in any trouble (drugs), and for now, this is temporary. We may go back to MD, but often I think we may decide to sell our house and move on....we'll see - depends on where Tim gets a job teaching.
Oh, it sounds like your parents have such a close relationship with your kids. That's so so sweet. You're very right though--while it's difficult to be far away from extended family, you have your husband and your kids and everyone is healthy, etc. I also have to remind myself that this is temporary (although that comes with its own problems, such as never feeling settled because I'm constantly telling myself it's temporary). These sorts of things are hard! I think we're both doing ok, though :)
ReplyDeleteindeed! The only thing that has been hard for me is the unknown...not knowing what's next or if we go home or go somewhere else. Honestly, a year ago tomorrow we were down here looking at neighborhoods and looking for a place to live (I remember b/c it was graduation and tomorrow is graduation). We literally hadn't packed so much as 1 box yet but knew we were either coming here or going to Clemson. It's extremely out of our comfort zones but we are doing it...and we are in it now! The life of a professor could have us moving around (I don't think that's what we want) but who knows what kind of opportunities that may bring.
ReplyDelete"Sometimes, the only thing that's within your control is your attitude." That is so true! It's a good reminder. I'm so thrilled to have found your blog!
ReplyDeleteWell thanks Jen, I'm glad you found it too! :)
ReplyDeleteThis was beautiful, Kate! Great picture, too :)
ReplyDeleteThanks to you! That was a fun afternoon :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Kate for all your positive little reminders! I smiled knowing that life is certainly full of challenges right now but, the sun is partly shining and glistening on the lake as I look out and I think I might just know where I can pick some fresh rhubarb to make a pie. With the right attitude, God will help you daily and you will reap all that you sow for him. You look so cute in that picture:) smiles and love coming from the North!
ReplyDeleteChristine, you're truly a marvel--I admire your strength and your positive outlook on everything. Thank YOU for sharing it. I've enjoyed your recent posts and your smile always looks SO beautiful. I sure hope you can find that rhubarb today--what a treat.
ReplyDeleteSmiles and love back to you, friend :)
I love that line near the end: "Sometimes, the only thing that's within your control is your attitude." It's so true! We don't always know what will happen, we can't control the unexpected, but we can try try try to handle it all with grace. I think your way of trying to put it into practice is spot on and definitely something I try to practice in my daily life. As you said, it's not always easy, but I think it makes a world of difference.
ReplyDeleteI've noticed in your posts that you certainly try to adopt this same attitude. You seem to be very good at it too :)
ReplyDeleteThanks so much for sharing this Ashley. I'm happy to hear that your recent travels have given you perspective. I think this is a lifelong struggle, to FIND contentment.
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