Ambassadors For Marriage: Heather And Trevor

I'm so happy that Heather from Tickled Yellow agreed to be a part of my Ambassadors for Marriage series. Heather is a lovely writer, a super creative person, and she and her husband are really sweet and inspiring! It was fun to get her take on both the joys and struggles of marriage, and I hope you feel heartened by her responses as I do. Thank you, Heather, for being such a great ambassador for this wonderful thing called marriage!

Describe how you met your husband and how you felt as you got to know him.

Trevor and I met in high school, in the back rows of a crowded classroom. We became shy friends, kinda crushing on each other, but trying to play it cool. I fell hard for him, even writing in my journal that I was sure I would marry him one day. He headed off to college the next year, though, and I thought I'd never see him again. After I graduated, having nowhere else to really go, I made the last-minute decision to attend the same college (I like to tell people I was only partly stalking him.) We remained good friends throughout college, and I was still crazy about him. The stars must have aligned after college graduation, because we finally left the friend zone for good and started dating. We knew almost right away that we would get married.

When did you know he was the one you wanted to marry?

There were kind of a lot of moments when I knew (or hoped) that he was the one, even as a teenager. But the moment when I knew, without a doubt, was when he took me kayaking the summer after graduation and apologized for never asking me out before. And he said, "It's funny how things have a way of working themselves out, isn't it?" I thought, oh my gosh, this is so happening. We are totally getting married.

What has been the most rewarding part of your marriage so far?
People say that marriage is like a mirror, bringing out the good and bad of who you really are. It has been challenging, but incredibly rewarding, to find areas in which we need to grow and then encouraging each other in that growth and maturing process. I didn't realize how stubborn and selfish I was when we were first married, but I've been able to grow so much because of that "mirror" that is marriage. We encourage each other to become the best versions of ourselves, and it's the closest and most unique relationship I've ever had.

It's also nice being able to spend so much time together. While dating was fun, I love that marriage has made us "best buds." We can go grocery shopping together and have the best time.

What have you learned about your husband that you didn't know before you got married?
Trevor and I were friends for eight years before we got married, so I knew him pretty well when we got married. If I had to say what I've learned about him, though, it's that he is incredibly genuine. He was such a gentleman when we were dating, and that hasn't changed at all. He's also a really good dancer, which makes him a great wedding date! I also learned that he does not appreciate my John Denver CDs, but he's learned to pick his battles (who doesn't love "Sunshine on My Shoulders?").

How would you describe "the ideal wife," the one you strive always to become?
When we were first married, I had this grand image of what the ideal wife looked like: she was a perfect cook, kept the house in perfect order, was a charming hostess. And I would get so frustrated at myself when I didn't live up to these standards. I finally realized that he loves me for who I am (and, to be fair, he knew I was a horrible cook long before we got married!). Being the most loving wife I can be means connecting with God every day and realizing that, first and foremost, my worth comes from him. I can't love Trevor well without loving God first.

How do you face challenges in marriage? What are your strategies for overcoming the inevitable hard moments or hard days?
The best thing, for me, is to remember that our marriage is constantly evolving, full of seasons and ebbs and flows. When we were first married, I would get so anxious every time we had a fight: what does this mean? Am I a horrible wife? Were we even meant to be together in the first place? I had to learn to not be so dramatic and just shrug things off. Bad days, boring days, great days--they're all a part of life.

We've only been married two years, but it seems like we only learn more and more about each other as time goes on--what irritates the other person, what not to say, things like that. It's gotten so much easier now that we have a better understanding of each other's personalities.

What lessons have you learned throughout your journey to becoming husband and wife?
We've learned that we are so much better together than apart. My relationship with him teaches me so much about my relationship with God, about selflessness and faithfulness. We've learned that, contrary to what so many people say, marriage only keeps getting better. I wouldn't trade our relationship now for what it was two years ago. There's something so unique about growing together as a couple--in our faith, in our love for each other, in our tastes and hobbies and interests. I've taught him how to ride a unicycle, for example, and he's taught me how to appreciate (or at least tolerate) Asian food.

How do you feel about “young” marriage?
We were pretty young when he proposed. I was 21 and he was 23. To be honest, I was scared to death about getting married so young (and to my very first boyfriend, no less). Even total strangers thought I was crazy. But looking back, it was the best decision I've ever made. Marriage isn't always easy, but it is so much fun. For us, marrying young meant that we were freeing ourselves from a lot of temptation and were able to start our lives together even sooner. It was a win-win for us. It's a decision that is different for everyone, but the timing was just right for us.





Thank you for sharing your heart, Heather!



For more of Heather's thoughts and writings, visit her blog, Tickled Yellow.