A Case For Doing It Yourself

I've learned that my penchant for DIYs is not especially common or normal. And I definitely get it--painting furniture, making things from scratch, shopping for supplies at the hardware store, it all takes time and effort and energy. I myself love to DIY because it fuels my creative juices and stimulates my brain and brings me joy but I understand that isn't the case for most people.

Under certain circumstances, though, I do think there's a pretty good case to be made for the DIY route regardless of interest level. Let me use my recent project as an example.

Our bathroom was in desperate need of a place to store shower supplies. I have mentioned before that clawfoot tubs, while charming, do present some technical challenges. I've been mulling over different options for the past few months and finally decided we needed a wall shelf on the curved end of the tub (as opposed to the shower head end).

I looked at a few shelves online and was shocked at how expensive some of them were! First point for DIY--it's almost always easier on your wallet. I also didn't want to settle for a style I didn't love. I had a vision for this shelf (that fit in with the rustic ski town spa style our bathroom reminds me of) and I was finding that what was in my mind didn't exist out in the real world. (Surely this happens to you too, right?) Doing It Yourself is wonderful because you can choose the colors, textures, materials--every inch of the design is purely your call.

And a final reason for why a DIY made sense for this project (even for someone who dislikes DIYs): it was so painless. Certain projects do take a little skill, or special tools, or might be frustrating, but this one truly was as easy as putting up curtains or hanging a piece of art. I did add an extra step by spray painting the aluminum brackets a copper color, but other than that all I did was drill them into the wall and rest this beautiful piece of floor tile on top (similar to my plant stand, where the marble is heavy enough to sit on the pipes without any actual adhesion). The tile also had to be cut to size but my trusty friends at Lowe's did that for me for free.

So that's my case for Doing It Yourself. When a purchase is prohibitively expensive. When what you have your heart set on just isn't out there. When making is as easy (or almost as easy) as buying. And maybe, just maybe, you'll discover you even have a little fun. I can just about guarantee that your pride in the final product will make it all worthwhile.

Remembering This Summer

During college my summers were constructive and purposeful and memorable. My first summer after freshman year I went to a seven-week-long music festival in Western New York. The next summer I had an internship in DC, the next summer an internship in Hoboken, NJ. Each summer I was in a different place and with different people, accomplishing something unique and interesting for those few months in between school years.

In between my two years of grad school I was working hard on our cookbook with my family and planning my wedding at the same time. It was a beautiful summer filled with summer tomatoes and gorgeous recipes and lots of paper and ribbon and happiness.

Once there are no longer school years to divide and define, time starts blending together a little more, don't you think? It's not bad, just different. Other things make certain seasons or even months or weeks stick out in our memories. And I have a feeling that this summer, with its particular smells and moments and emotions, I think it'll be one that lasts and lasts.

I'll remember this summer for its joy. As we drove a short two and a half hours last weekend through the Blue Ridge Mountains and Northern Virginia's wine country up to a family reunion, I felt so much joy at finally being close to family. To be able to drive to see loved ones--amazing! This state, in all of its beauty, brings me joy and I'm proud to live in a place with history and old stone buildings that have been around for centuries and plaques on the side of the road that are fun to stop and read. Waking up in our sweet little house brings me joy. As long as my home is a place of beauty and peace and rest, a place where my family and friends feel safe and protected, a place filled with love and wholesomeness and honesty, then I've succeeded.

I'll remember this summer for our little screened porch. I catch myself sitting here and looking out at the trees with an involuntary smile on my lips. It's such a place of calm for me. I'll remember these summer mornings on the porch with a cup of tea and this blog and the birds and the streams of early sunlight peeking in. To have a place that is part of my home yet also a part of nature is magical.

I'll remember this summer for the ways God has proven faithful. These past few years were hard. I've sort of blocked out some of it but when I make myself remember how lonely some of those months were, it makes me exceedingly grateful for the here and now. The way forward was lit by faith alone.

As we grow deeper into our new lives and establish routines and build relationships, as it always happens, I'm sure a bit of the novelty and newness will wear off. Not that we'll take it for granted but there will be a settledness and a normalcy and a regularity to all of it. There's a beauty to this too.

But this time we're in right now, this summer of intensity and heart-swelling gratitude and deeply felt love of place and home and family and friends, I'll remember it for a very long time.

Ambassadors For Marriage: Heather And Trevor

I'm so happy that Heather from Tickled Yellow agreed to be a part of my Ambassadors for Marriage series. Heather is a lovely writer, a super creative person, and she and her husband are really sweet and inspiring! It was fun to get her take on both the joys and struggles of marriage, and I hope you feel heartened by her responses as I do. Thank you, Heather, for being such a great ambassador for this wonderful thing called marriage!

Describe how you met your husband and how you felt as you got to know him.

Trevor and I met in high school, in the back rows of a crowded classroom. We became shy friends, kinda crushing on each other, but trying to play it cool. I fell hard for him, even writing in my journal that I was sure I would marry him one day. He headed off to college the next year, though, and I thought I'd never see him again. After I graduated, having nowhere else to really go, I made the last-minute decision to attend the same college (I like to tell people I was only partly stalking him.) We remained good friends throughout college, and I was still crazy about him. The stars must have aligned after college graduation, because we finally left the friend zone for good and started dating. We knew almost right away that we would get married.

When did you know he was the one you wanted to marry?

There were kind of a lot of moments when I knew (or hoped) that he was the one, even as a teenager. But the moment when I knew, without a doubt, was when he took me kayaking the summer after graduation and apologized for never asking me out before. And he said, "It's funny how things have a way of working themselves out, isn't it?" I thought, oh my gosh, this is so happening. We are totally getting married.

What has been the most rewarding part of your marriage so far?
People say that marriage is like a mirror, bringing out the good and bad of who you really are. It has been challenging, but incredibly rewarding, to find areas in which we need to grow and then encouraging each other in that growth and maturing process. I didn't realize how stubborn and selfish I was when we were first married, but I've been able to grow so much because of that "mirror" that is marriage. We encourage each other to become the best versions of ourselves, and it's the closest and most unique relationship I've ever had.

It's also nice being able to spend so much time together. While dating was fun, I love that marriage has made us "best buds." We can go grocery shopping together and have the best time.

What have you learned about your husband that you didn't know before you got married?
Trevor and I were friends for eight years before we got married, so I knew him pretty well when we got married. If I had to say what I've learned about him, though, it's that he is incredibly genuine. He was such a gentleman when we were dating, and that hasn't changed at all. He's also a really good dancer, which makes him a great wedding date! I also learned that he does not appreciate my John Denver CDs, but he's learned to pick his battles (who doesn't love "Sunshine on My Shoulders?").

How would you describe "the ideal wife," the one you strive always to become?
When we were first married, I had this grand image of what the ideal wife looked like: she was a perfect cook, kept the house in perfect order, was a charming hostess. And I would get so frustrated at myself when I didn't live up to these standards. I finally realized that he loves me for who I am (and, to be fair, he knew I was a horrible cook long before we got married!). Being the most loving wife I can be means connecting with God every day and realizing that, first and foremost, my worth comes from him. I can't love Trevor well without loving God first.

How do you face challenges in marriage? What are your strategies for overcoming the inevitable hard moments or hard days?
The best thing, for me, is to remember that our marriage is constantly evolving, full of seasons and ebbs and flows. When we were first married, I would get so anxious every time we had a fight: what does this mean? Am I a horrible wife? Were we even meant to be together in the first place? I had to learn to not be so dramatic and just shrug things off. Bad days, boring days, great days--they're all a part of life.

We've only been married two years, but it seems like we only learn more and more about each other as time goes on--what irritates the other person, what not to say, things like that. It's gotten so much easier now that we have a better understanding of each other's personalities.

What lessons have you learned throughout your journey to becoming husband and wife?
We've learned that we are so much better together than apart. My relationship with him teaches me so much about my relationship with God, about selflessness and faithfulness. We've learned that, contrary to what so many people say, marriage only keeps getting better. I wouldn't trade our relationship now for what it was two years ago. There's something so unique about growing together as a couple--in our faith, in our love for each other, in our tastes and hobbies and interests. I've taught him how to ride a unicycle, for example, and he's taught me how to appreciate (or at least tolerate) Asian food.

How do you feel about “young” marriage?
We were pretty young when he proposed. I was 21 and he was 23. To be honest, I was scared to death about getting married so young (and to my very first boyfriend, no less). Even total strangers thought I was crazy. But looking back, it was the best decision I've ever made. Marriage isn't always easy, but it is so much fun. For us, marrying young meant that we were freeing ourselves from a lot of temptation and were able to start our lives together even sooner. It was a win-win for us. It's a decision that is different for everyone, but the timing was just right for us.





Thank you for sharing your heart, Heather!



For more of Heather's thoughts and writings, visit her blog, Tickled Yellow.

Ambassadors For Marriage: Leah and Landon

Today, I'm continuing my Ambassadors for Marriage series with another fantastic guest post (you can read the first guest post in this series here). I found Leah's blog when I first started blogging, months ago, and I admire very much her honest, faith-driven, and inspiring way of writing about her marriage and her little family. She's a loyal reader of Something Ivory, too, and I'm thrilled she's here today to share her story! I think you'll enjoy it very much. 

Describe how you met your husband and how you felt as you got to know him.

The first time I ever met Landon was when we were both 17 and my dad was interviewing to be the pastor at the church Landon's family attended. Both our families were at a small dinner party to get to know people from the church, and he obviously didn't want to be there. :) I remember seeing this hoodie-wearing boy slumped against the wall, and not really noticing him beyond that. Fast forward a year or so, and you would find two young teens in youth group together flirting, writing notes to each other, and hanging out a lot. I realized as I got to know Landon more, that I was becoming more drawn to him, and every time I saw him I would get butterflies in my stomach.

When did you know he was the one you wanted to marry?

When we were getting very serious about each other, I remember a situation, I think it was the summer before I left for college. Something outside our relationship upset me terribly, and I went over to his house and basically ran into his arms sobbing. He immediately took me by the waist and walked me out to the woods where he just held me and told me things would be ok. I think that may have been when I realized this was the man I wanted to share my hurts and fears with, the one who I could trust, and the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

What has been the most rewarding part of your marriage so far?

A few months ago, Landon and I decided to pursue marriage counseling. Some friends of ours had done it, and it was encouraging to hear their story. On top of having a baby who changed the dynamics of our relationship, we had some communication issues that were wearing down on our marriage and we wanted to take care of things before years went by. Honestly, these last few months have been the hardest yet most rewarding season of our marriage so far. We have grown incredibly closer, we talk more intentionally than ever, and we value our relationship so much more than before. I never realized how much I could love this man. Marriage takes work, but the work produces beautiful results.

What have you learned about your husband that you didn't know before you got married?

I had always figured Landon would be a good dad, but I have been blown away with how amazing of a father he is to Finn. Nothing has put him off...the diapers, the sleepless nights, the birth. He readily steps up and helps me with Finn and he is so loving and tender. I love watching them interact.

Has anything about marriage surprised you?

So far, nothing has really surprised me. Is that bad? :) I will say that we have to be very intentional about our relationship and continue to pursue each other. I think it's easy to settle into a routine way of doing things, so we try to mix things up every now and then. Little change-ups can make a huge difference for us.

How would you describe "the ideal wife," the one you strive always to become?

Marriage is made up of unique people, and every marriage is different. Specifically in our marriage, we don't have defined roles based on gender or cultural influences. We are an equal team making decisions together and seeking to put each other's needs above our own. With that in mind, my aim as Landon's wife is to put God at the center of our relationship, to love Landon unconditionally, to help him selflessly, to lead him in the areas I am more qualified to lead, to follow him in the areas where he is more qualified to lead, to trust him enough to share my dreams and fears, to be vulnerable and open, to lift him up in prayer, to play with him and enjoy life together, to forgive him readily, and to encourage him daily.

How do you face challenges in marriage? What are your strategies for overcoming the inevitable hard moments or hard days?

More recently, we have learned to just communicate more. It seems backwards (and it's so hard) for two introverts to talk struggles out, but that is what we are learning is the best choice. Landon has learned to give me a moment to cool off when I am mad, but then comes and asks me to talk it out. I am learning to take a moment to cool off before saying something in anger, and then making myself talk out my frustrations to Landon instead of sweeping things under the rug. Even when Landon is at work and I am home, I will send Landon a text saying "I am so frustrated!" And he will say "I'm sorry babe, lets sit down tonight and talk about it, I want to hear about it." Also, we aim to be completely honest with each other, and doing that helps us avoid a lot of conflicts.

Have you started any family traditions as a couple?

We dabbled around the first year or two of marriage trying to force some to happen I think. I love traditions, but I want them to happen organically. So far, we only have a few consistent traditions.  We usually get a Christmas tree that is four feet high or less.  We have our own Christmas family dinner a few days before the 25th since we are always home at for the holidays. We have "our song," Northern Lights, by the Bowerbirds, and we frequent a local coffeehouse, The Hearthstone, each week together.

Thank you so much, Leah, for sharing your heart with us today! 

For more of Leah's thoughts, pay a visit to her blog, The Rife Observatory.

(Photo credit)

Ambassadors for Marriage: Andrea and Jack

Today I have the pleasure of sharing an interview I did with my friend, Andrea, who I've known since 5th grade. I interviewed Andrea about her husband, Jack, and their beautiful young marriage. I'm very excited to be kicking off what I hope will become a series on Something Ivory. As I wrote in a recent guest post on a friend's blog, I believe it's important for us happily married young women to share our stories, to be ambassadors for marriage. Instead of always hearing from me I thought it would be fun to interview other young women and friends of mine about their marriages, their joys and struggles, and the beauty they have found as they share life with another.

As you'll soon see, Andrea and Jack are so inspiring. They met in Jack's home country of Kenya, navigated an international relationship and engagement, and are now living together happily in Upstate New York. They have been married for a little over two years. As she was working on her answers Andrea emailed me this: "So far it’s made for a super fun trip down memory lane and honestly it makes me love Jack even more. I think that there is so much power and emotion in writing your thoughts down on paper." Absolutely! Welcome to the beautiful world of blogging, Andrea. I hope you, dear readers, enjoy this.

Describe how you met your husband and how you felt as you got to know him.

Jack and I met in a peculiar way, I think. We never really know how to briefly answer this question without getting asked several follow-up questions. To make a long story short, we were introduced by mutual friends at a soccer tournament at the local sports ground in Kisumu, Kenya. Jack and a group of friends sat down at our table. He was sitting across from me and was seemingly too nervous to talk to me, so he whispered to my friend to ask her my name. When she told him my name was Andrea he had difficulty pronouncing it, so he proceeded to find a nickname for me right then and there. He said to her “your friend has Mzungu eyes”—Mzungu means "white person." I have blue eyes and it was the first time he had ever seen blue eyes in person; and like a mesmerized child he couldn’t stop staring! Needless to say he just had this wit and sweet innocence that I adored from the start. To this day he still calls me "Blue Eyes." We talk about our first encounter quite frequently, and you can bet that we can’t make it through one memory without smiling giddily.

When did you know he was the one you wanted to marry?

One of the special things about our relationship was that we really built it up during the long stretches of time that we were apart. We used to talk for hours each week over the phone, and I am grateful that we got to know each other and love each other without any sort of physical connection. That helped us distinguish between lust and love, and I think that can be difficult to do at times. He always had a way of making me feel safe despite us being thousands of miles apart, and that to this day is one of his strongest attributes. So it really was probably very early on that I started picturing him as my husband. It felt right and natural and I’ve really never met a man who exhibits such a sacrificial and unconditional love for his family. That’s what opened my eyes to the realization that he is truly good and that he has a pure heart and a gentle spirit.

Additionally, I knew he was the one I wanted to marry when I found myself constantly wanting to put his wants and needs before mine. Being the gentleman that he is, he rarely allows that, but I think it’s notable how selfless you become when you find the person who holds your heart. When I am with Jack, I have a desire to care for him before myself. He makes me want to be a better person. I knew I wanted to be his wife when I realized how badly I wanted to be the one to make him happy. I started feeling like I could and would sacrifice anything of mine just to provide for him, and I knew that those feelings were a sign that we were meant to be together. I know he would do the same for me too.

What has been the most rewarding part of your marriage so far?

The biggest reward, I feel, in having Jack here with me and being husband and wife, is that we are finally able share in each other’s accomplishments and experience everything life has to offer together. With marriage comes an entirely wonderful, strong feeling of being an inseparable and unstoppable team. And I believe our circumstances have intensified that even further. Can you imagine leaving the only family and life you have ever known, moving to a foreign land and starting all over?  Jack loved me enough to follow me blindly to the United States. When he moved here with me he had never before actually left East Africa. He did not even know one person in my family apart from having talked to them on the phone or on Skype, so he had nothing to go on except for love and trust in me. And so because of this situation, we have had to rely on each other for everything, and with that we have had the privilege of experiencing many “firsts” together. Amongst a list a mile long, this includes his first plane ride, his first time in the USA, his first college experience, his first winter, many firsts with food, my first career, his first time driving a car, buying our very first home, our first time grieving together with the death of our grandparents, etc. And through all of these experiences we have made memories together that have really strengthened us as partners and as friends.

What have you learned about your husband that you didn't know before you got married?

This is a fun one because so much of what I know about my husband has been learned since we’ve been married and living together. It really is the little things that bring you closer….

*I’ve learned how incredibly hilarious he is. The stuff that comes out of his mouth… my word!

*I’ve learned that he likes to keep the house at 75 degrees in the winter and 60 in the summer. That totally stumps me!

*I’ve learned that he does not like any food, cold. It’s only hot cooked meals in our house unless you want to see a 27 year old man whine.

*I’ve learned that he has an incredibly dry sense of humor. He has watched every episode of The Office at least 30 times and still laughs so hard he cries. And his laugh is contagious!

*I’ve learned that he does NOT like snakes or worms or anything that slithers. Have you ever seen a grown man stand on the top of a car because of a worm in the driveway?

*I’ve learned that he snores on his stomach and not on his back. How backward is that?

*I’ve learned that he is one heck of a hard worker: there are days that I come home from work and the entire house is sparkly clean, the dishes are done, and the laundry is clean and folded; and that’s all after he’s put out the trash, worked out at the gym, gone to school and finished his class work!

*Lastly, I’ve learned that he is capable of anything and everything he sets his mind to. He has already far surpassed any expectations I had of him as a husband and a as a provider, and with his drive I know he will continue to take on the world.

How would you describe "the ideal wife," the one you strive always to become?

The ideal wife will be different from person to person and marriage to marriage. It’s hard to describe exactly how I want to be as a wife, but here are several adjectives that sum it up for the most part: respectful, nurturing, supportive, loving, attentive, light-hearted, playful, strong, and selfless. I always try to find the right balance of taking care of Jack and allowing him to take care of me. I do believe that wives should be pampered too…Jack knows that!

How do you face challenges in marriage? What are your strategies for overcoming the inevitable hard moments or hard days?

Over time we have learned when to push harder to work it out and when to step back. It’s really a matter of learning what makes the other one tick and respecting that we have different responses to emotions like stress, joy, or sorrow. We really are so much stronger when we support each other, so any little tiffs get nipped in the bud fairly quickly. We learn to compromise. In terms of life challenges that we face together, it is all about communication… and body language! It’s amazing how much easier it is to get through a hardship when you are looking someone in the eye instead of acting distracted or disengaged. I think it shows them that this is important to you, too. Also, a simple hug or hand hold can make a world of difference. Those little things serve as a reminder that we are on the same side and that we love each other…and so I think that really helps! 

What lessons have you learned throughout your journey to becoming husband and wife?

Our situation is unique in the fact that we did not have years of ‘dating’ before marriage. With him in Africa and me in the US the majority of the time, we only managed to spend about 7 months together in person before getting married. Despite the distance and separation, we did our best to look for the light at the end of the tunnel; that one day we would be together. Our marriage was the most significant event in my life to date because it simultaneously closed a chapter in our lives that was filled with struggle and sacrifice, and blessed us with the opportunity to finally begin our life journey together.

Getting to the point where we were able to get married was a bit of a nightmare. The decision that we made for Jack to move here was hard enough, and then it became a matter of going through all the legal procedures that our government has in place for immigrants. We went through a period of time when there was so much doubt and fear looming over us that we questioned whether or not it was actually worth it. It was challenging to remember the solidity of our relationship when we were continents apart and our fate was stuck in the hands of someone else (government). We had absolutely no control and that is really very intimidating! We had close friends who chastised us for being naive enough to believe that we could make our relationship work, and that doubt made it difficult to trust in our own decisions. Overall it was a detailed and stressful process that took months of patience and faith, but one that taught us a lot. I thank God for His guidance through it all and for blessing us with families that supported us and prayed for us every step of the way. God makes the impossible, possible, and we are all living proof of that. Throughout our journey so far, that has been the message that has been made most clear to me.

How do you feel about “young” marriage?

I do not wish to sway people in their beliefs about marriage, but more so to be a testament to the potential benefits of finding a life partner at a young age. I realize that I cannot generalize our entire population, so take this as you wish, but I think our culture has taught us to be wary of marriage rather than embrace it and respect it. Divorce rates are high and that is disheartening and daunting, but ultimately that is something that I believe we can combat. I think it comes down to marrying the right person for the right reasons at a point in time when we are mature enough to handle the commitment. I think that so much of that comes back to identifying and respecting the difference between lust and love. I realize that our twenties are known to be the time to live it up and be young and free. And while I admit that that is probably fun at times, from my own experiences in my twenties, I have never found as much happiness and contentedness as I have since marrying my husband. I’ve never made as much progress in life as I have since I’ve been married either. I just love the feeling of being settled. Marrying Jack has made me want to be a better and more productive woman. To me, marriage is peaceful, comforting, and gratifying. During the most stressful times of life when I feel like nothing is going quite right and I’m searching for something to lift my spirits and look forward to, I am blessed to go home to an amazing man and a house and life of our very own. My marriage is my safe haven and is by far the biggest blessing in my life so far!

Thanks so much Andrea! Your story is beautiful.