My Wedding Planning: Save the Dates

Our virtual save-the-date

I've been trying my best to blog about my wedding planning in the order that everything actually happened, and I think that what came next was sending out the save-the-dates for our winter wedding.

Having a winter wedding was a decision we sort of fell into and it ended up being the absolute perfect choice. My husband is in the Army and has very little control over his schedule and after exploring some dates, we realized our best bet would be to have our wedding during Christmas leave, a guaranteed time off from training. We spoke to the Cathedral where we wanted to have the ceremony and they had December 30th available, a Friday evening, nestled between the magic of Christmas and the excitement of New Years. My parents’ anniversary is December 28, another special sign that this was the right time for our wedding. And my husband and I have always loved the romance of the holidays and I knew that our part of Upstate New York would look especially lovely with a blanket of snow and twinkling white Christmas lights.

To let our friends and family know about our wedding date, we did something a little bit different than the traditional mailed postcard or note--we sent virtual save-the-dates via Paperless Post! I highly recommend this fun alternative. The card is emailed to each individual recipient as an envelope with the guest's name on the front. When you click, it leads to the Paperless Post website where the card is beautifully displayed after it pops out of the envelope. (This description might sound cheesy, but it really is so well done, tasteful and classic). The design choices tend to be understated and simple, and everything from the fonts, to the shape of the card, to the color and pattern of the envelope liner can be hand-picked. It's affordable, and you'll save some paper, too! 

The click-able, personalized envelope that the card arrives in

We had used Paperless Post previously to send out an engagement announcement, and after our wedding, we sent a card to all of our guests thanking them for celebrating our day with us and sharing a link to our wedding photos.

If you're looking for a chic, affordable, very 21st-century way of announcing your wedding date, you can't go wrong with Paperless Post!

The Jane Austen Guide: Part 2

I've read more of The Jane Austen Guide to Happily Ever After and found some beautiful things to share. I've learned that Jane Austen heroines exercise a virtue that we have completely forgotten about today--that we no longer have a word for. This virtue is "candour," and it means something entirely different today than it did to Jane Austen. Today, being candid means being forthright, truthful, and honest. But in Austen's day, and for Austen's heroines,"candid" described the listener, not the teller. To be candid meant "judging other people and their stories with sympathy, openness and generosity." It was the opposite of "small-minded suspicion."

Wow. I wish the meaning had never changed. It's a lovely thing to be and Kantor explains why it was such an important virtue for Austen's heroines. Because of their candour, their respect for men, their ability and desire not to judge critically but with sympathy, Austen heroines inspire the same kind of respect from men in return. And I think that "inspire" is the perfect word here--we, as women, can inspire men to respect us by treating them sympathetically, giving them the benefit of the doubt (as opposed to nagging them, or demanding what we want from them, or manipulating them).

So where does this candour come from? Jane Austen describes it as "self-knowledge." The respect these women show their men comes from the understanding that they themselves have flaws, too. (For an example of a character with candour read Persuasion and pay close attention to Anne Elliot). Austen's heroines regularly engage in serious reflection on their own characters, their own actions, their own words.

Kantor warns us that the opposite of behaving with candour toward men is involving ourselves in the kind of behind-their-backs griping among girlfriends that has become all too common in today's world. Cynicism and anti-men attitudes can blind us from really seeing a man for who he is, as a fellow human being with flaws and imperfections. Austen heroines certainly do not operate under illusion--they are realistic and grounded and very good at interpreting a man's character--but they are never cynical either.

By refraining from cynicism and engaging in candour, Austen's women are able to see men clearly and inspire the good ones to respect and, eventually, love them.

Kantor writes this advice at the end of the chapter:

If we really want to bring back Jane Austen, we'll disband the sisterhood of snark and give other women mutual support in seeing men clearly, judging them wisely, and loving them honestly. We'll expect more from men. And our respect for them will nourish their respect for us, putting us on the road to Jane Austen heroine-level dignity.

Simple, Special Note Cards

I've always loved paper. Cards, small notebooks and journals, writing pads. And I especially love paper that is special, delicate, and sweet. The other day I was about to write a card and really did not want to use the very normal pack of cards I had in my desk drawer. They were relatively cute and blank inside (I never buy cards with sayings in them--I like to write my own!) but so basic.

So I went online to the Paper Source, the amazing store where I purchased all of the paper and supplies for our wedding invitations, which I made almost entirely myself (I will be blogging about this very soon). I went to the sale section and found these lovely blush-colored card stock cards. They are really simple and delicate and perfect for writing a note to a friend or relative. And, I know it's not too polite to talk about prices, but a 25-pack of these cards only cost me $2.38! 

Once I found these I began looking for some envelopes to go with them. These "paper bag" envelopes were not in the sale section, but I splurged and got them anyway (the Paper Source prices are actually quite reasonable, even the non-sale items). I love the rustic look and feel of these. They really are like brown paper bags, or old-fashioned brown wrapping paper. 

These cards and envelopes are simple and special--just my style! 

p.s. I will send one blush card and one paper bag envelope (blank, for you to use!) to one lucky commenter. Just leave a comment and I will draw a random winner by the end of the week!

My Wedding Planning: Finding My Dress

Photo by Noah Zinsmeister

I don't take any credit for this photo above. It's one of my absolute favorites from our wedding day. It was taken in the hallway in my parents' home, right after I had put on my dress, veil, and jewelry, and was walking down the hall to take a last look in the full-length mirror before heading to the church. My little brother, an amazing photographer, was talking all of our getting-ready pictures and so he gets credit for snapping such a lovely shot. One of my sister-in-laws, who was a bridesmaid, noticed me walking down the hall and saw the light streaming in the open door, and suggested that Noah take the photo. So she also gets credit.

And finally, my beautiful dress gets credit. Like any eager bride, I began searching for my dress almost immediately after getting engaged. I was living in New York at the time and so was my sister-in-law, and we had a blast visiting bridal salons together in the exciting, early days after her brother proposed.

Photos above by Noah Zinsmeister

A few weeks after our initial looking, my mom took a trip down to New York and she and I went to this gorgeous boutique as well as the Pronovias Flagship store. I had been eyeing so many of the Pronovias gowns online and was really attracted to the simplicity of the dresses, the lack of beads/flowers/bows (which I had decided I didn't like), and the rich fabrics that are their signature.

I tried on so many amazing dresses, and my mom and I had such a wonderful time together. Since the bridal consultant in the store usually helps the bride get dressed, my mom got to sit and relax and wait for me to come out wearing gown after beautiful gown. We both felt completely relaxed and patient--so many of the dresses were lovely and could have been the one, but we had a sense that the perfect dress was still out there waiting for us to find it. So at the end of the weekend, we were thrilled that we'd made so much progress figuring out what I liked and didn't like, and were excited to keep looking. 

We found my Pronovias gown at a small boutique in my hometown a few weeks later. After trying on the gowns at the flagship salon in New York, I was pretty sure I would end up with a Pronovias dress, and we were lucky that this local boutique carried lots of Pronovias (at much more affordable prices, too). 

Photos above by Robin Fox Photography

My mom and I both fell in love with this dress when I tried it on. The neckline and the ruching were unlike anything I'd seen. I loved that the dress was fitted asymmetrically through the hips and flared to a fuller skirt, and I thought it had a sophisticated elegance about it. The consultant said it reminded her of Old Hollywood, Audrey Hepburn style. And I knew the train would be stunning for our cathedral ceremony.

Photo by Robin Fox Photography

What's amazing to think about now is that before getting engaged, I saw myself in a form-fitting lace wedding gown. Total opposite of what I ended up with! I tried on lace and I tried on dresses with a more fitted silhouette and they just didn't work with my build. To create the most flattering look for my figure, I needed a fabric with more shape (my dress was silk taffeta) and a cut that had more fullness at the bottom. 

So my advice to brides is to be as open-minded as possible when trying on wedding dresses. You may be completely surprised by the styles and shapes and fabrics that best flatter your figure and make you feel as beautiful as can be.

My last bit of advice is to go shopping with your mom. It's an unforgettable--not to mention fun!--experience. The two weekends my mom and I dress-shopped together were as special as mother-daughter weekends get.

Photo taken by my aunt at the day-after brunch at my parents' house

Past Life in the City

It's been a little bit over two months since I moved out of New York City and I've been thinking about the things I miss, as well as the things I was happy to leave behind. I thought I'd make a little list and include some links here and there, as possible inspiration for certain family members who are moving there (my little brother is going to Columbia!!) and for those already there.


What I miss about New York:

1. The subways and buses--really! I found it liberating that I could pay $2.50, jump on a bus or train, and end up anywhere in the city I pleased
2. The reservoir (photo above) in Central Park which was a five-minute walk from my apartment
3. Jumping on the 6 train and ending up at Bloomingdales about 7 minutes later
4. The French restaurant in my old neighborhood
5. Everything at Lincoln Center
6. The fact that my sister-in-law lived 3 blocks away
7. This thrift shop and this one and this one and this one (this is for you, Addie!)
8. Walking two doors down every Sunday at 7 pm for church--the services always seemed to be geared to exactly what I needed that week
9. These yoga classes
10. The Hungarian Pastry Shop on the Upper West Side
11. My shoebox apartment--it was tiny but it was sweet and had character and I really loved it
12. The Turkish bodega on the corner of my blog which sold wonderful dried fruits, nuts, and fresh produce
13. Being closer to my family (a 4.5-hour bus ride away)
14. Attending interviews/performances by people like Laura Linney and Rosanne Cash at the 92nd Street Y
15. Christmastime in the city--there is nothing like it
16. The fact that you get a lot of out-of-town visitors when you live in New York--not so much when you live in Alabama!
17. This cafe where I spent many hours studying, writing, people-watching, and most importantly, drinking delicious coffee (which was also much cheaper than Starbucks!)
18. Walking everywhere
19. This soap shop, which offers a complimentary hand-washing at the big communal sink in the middle of the store. This felt SO good after a day walking around the city. I especially liked the Jasmine hand scrub
20. This rooftop bar where my husband and I went the night we got engaged and where we held my reception after my final graduate recital

What I don't miss about New York:

1. Number one, far and away, is being away from my husband
2. Commuting an hour and fifteen minutes to school three times a week
3. Lugging groceries and laundry through the streets without the help of a car
4. The amount of money it takes to survive
5. Getting to and fro LaGuardia Airport
6. The way the subways smell in the summertime
7. The crowds
8. Feeling nauseous in cabs because of the cab driver's reckless driving
9. The local post office (slowest post office in the world)
10. The lack of truly fresh-smelling air

Yes, I have twice as many things on my "miss" list than on my "don't miss" list, but this does not at all mean that I'm longing to move back to the city or that I'm not happy in our new lives--I think it just means that I look back on my time living in one of the greatest cities in the world with much fondness!

What I Love Most About My Home

This is a graphic print that I discovered yestrerday through this lovely blog. It can be downloaded (for free!) and printed easily from this blog, here. All that's needed is a pretty, matted white frame. Isn't it cute, and so true?

I printed and framed one for myself, and one for a certain lucky sister-in-law and brother-in-law who will be celebrating their one-year anniversary soon (and who hopefully aren't reading this post!).

This graphic print style is not usually one that I'm attracted to, but for some reason this particular one stood out to me. It's fun and light-hearted and would work well in a casual space, perhaps resting on a work desk or hanging on a small bathroom wall.

I guess maybe I'm still giddy about the fact that my roommate happens to be the man of my dreams. How did I get so lucky?

The Jane Austen Guide: Part 1

I've been reading a book that I had a feeling I would enjoy before I even began. It's called The Jane Austen Guide To Happily Ever After and I knew I would like it for the simple reason that Jane Austen's love stories are, to me, the most beautiful and romantic love stories ever written. When I was reading my first Austen novel, Pride and Prejudice, when I was about 15, I remember re-reading whole passages over and over. I remember being astounded by the way the love seemed to be overflowing, jumping off the pages at me. Elizabeth Kantor, the author of The Jane Austen Guide, describes it this way:

[Jane Austen has] drawn the most perfect pictures of exactly what it's like for a woman to be deeply in love with a man; to hope with every fiber of her being that he loves her, but fear he doesn't; and to come through the ordeal to love's ineffable delights. Jane Austen somehow manages to describe the indescribable...it's as if she could compound endorphins out of ink and paper.


Exactly. Who better to learn from than Jane Austen?

I'm only two chapters into the book, and I thought I might wait to finish it before blogging about it. But I'm discovering that it's so rich and so full of wisdom and I am thinking now that blogging every few chapters is a better idea. And I also happen to think this book is wonderful both for women who are already happily married or in a healthy relationship, as well as for those women who are seeking a new direction in their love lives. In other words, all of us women can learn from Elizabeth Bennet and Elinor Dashwood and their "insights, habits of mind, intelligence, and choices."

And we can also learn what not to do from characters like Lydia Bennet. In chapter one, one thing Kantor writes about is how difficult it is to break habits in love. In Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth was so concerned that her little sister Lydia was proving herself to be a relentless flirt and falling for men who weren't really serious about her. She knew that unless Lydia could see the problem in her behavior and put herself on a different path, this could become a lifelong tendency with unhappy consequences.

Today, women are waiting much longer to settle down and they are waiting much longer to even begin looking for the right man. Marriages are taking place later and later in women's lives. Because of this, Kantor says that forming Lydia-like habits during the single years is even more dangerous for modern women. Those habits could become stuck after so many years, making it very difficult later on to make real love the aim.

Kantor writes that the Austen heroines who actively seek out permanent happiness and who want love and marriage to fit together, "applying all the intelligence and honesty they can muster to that vital question," are the ones who in the end are fulfilled. She says that it's not enough, for them or us, just to hope or plan for happiness and love in the vague and distant future, but it is something that must be aimed for, pursued seriously, puzzled over, and prioritized.

In chapter two, Kantor moves on to a lesson from Sense and Sensibility. When I read this novel, I thought that Austen's juxtaposition of Marianne and Elinor's characters was really brilliant. Both sisters are in love with a man who turns out to be unavailable to them, and they don't find out until after they've fallen head over heels in love. Marianne is inconsolable--she doesn't eat, she loses weight, she is anti-social, and eventually becomes so sick that her family is worried she'll die. She places a heavy burden on everyone around her, especially those who love her most.

Elinor, on the other hand, is also experiencing the deep pain of unrequited love, but, amazingly, she does not tell anyone. She has the strength to be able to console her younger sister and offer her hope while she herself is heartbroken.

The difference is that Marianne is a capital-R Romantic while Elinor is a lowercase-r romantic. Austen's heroines that are like Elinor "don't wallow in heartbreak. Their struggle to get a firm grip on themselves, and on reality, gives them extraordinary dignity. It makes them less miserable--but not any less in love." This extraordinary dignity is something that sets Austen's women apart, and it certainly inspires me to do better.

Both of these lessons are powerful, I think. I find it fascinating to study these well-loved stories with hopes of becoming more like the heroines we adore.

More on this soon!